Talking About Abuse: A Hard Conversation That Matters

No parent ever wants to talk about child abuse. It’s uncomfortable, emotional and painful to even think about—especially for a child who has been hurt. But difficult conversations are often the most important ones, and this is a place where every family deserves support.

The best time to start talking with your child about safety is right now, no matter their age.

Give Children the Tools They Need

Begin with the basics. Make sure your child knows the correct anatomical names for their private parts. Teach them how to care for those areas—things like wiping properly and bathing—so they can be more independent and rely on adults only when truly needed.

Talk with them about body safety and the difference between “okay” and “not okay” touches. Help them understand that their body belongs to them. They have the right to say no to any touch that makes them uncomfortable, even something nonsexual like a hug. And they may say no when others ask them to touch someone else.

Surprises vs. Secrets

Children should also understand the difference between a surprise and a secret.

Surprises—like a birthday party or a holiday gift—are meant to be revealed.

Secrets that must be kept for a long time, especially from a parent, are never OK. No adult should ever ask a child to keep a secret.

Trust Your Instincts

Most abuse is committed by someone the child knows—not strangers. If a situation feels wrong, or someone makes you uneasy, trust your instincts. They’re often right.

If you ever see or suspect abuse within a YMCA program, or if something simply doesn’t feel right, please contact us. We use a confidential reporting system hosted by Red Flag Reporting to ensure concerns are heard and addressed quickly.

If a Child Reports Abuse to You

Believe Them
Let the child know you trust what they’re telling you. Listen carefully.

Stay Calm
A child may hesitate to share because they fear an adult’s anger or distress. Your calm response can make all the difference.

Re-establish Safety
Protect the child from the abuser and reassure them that they are safe with you.

Get Help
Report the abuse to the appropriate agency. The child may also need medical attention or emotional support.

How to Report Abuse

Every county in North Carolina has a Child Protective Services department (names may vary slightly by county). This is often the best first point of contact.

You can also report directly to the organization where the abuse occurred. And if a child is in immediate danger—or if you need urgent help removing them from harm—always call 911.